if anyone on here knows me personally or sees my instagram posts as of late you know I am a hot fucking mess! My little man Gomez passed away about two weeks ago and I am still crushed. I haven’t wanted to do much of anything, and I even went back to meat and dairy essentially making myself sick and more miserable. I wake up everyday expecting to see him run in and bark at me to go walkies, i want to call him over when food falls on the floor, i want to hold him, and i want to take him everywhere and do everything we never took the time to do when he was alive. but sadly i am alone without my partner in crime, but happily my baby is free of pain. Life without him sucks, I cant afford to adopt a new friend and I think it might be too soon for that anyway.
Another thing making things suck ass is we are also having a heat wave here in Cali so that is also fun, waking up in sweat…cold showers…more sweat…not wanting to cook because of the heat… not wanting to move…more sweat….not being able to sleep…repeat. fucking global warming! one part of Cali is burning hot and the other is having hurricanes.
So what is this whole post about anyway you might ask. To be honest I don’t know, all I know is I cant live in my head anymore. I know myself and when I stay in there for too long it is a bad thing.
I am trying to stick to a vegan diet, not for weight loss but because I really enjoy it… Lately I just get in moods where I don’t care anymore, maybe I wanna make myself sick…a physical expression of my grief and sadness? who the fuck knows. All I know is I need to stop.
Today was a vegetarian day because I had a sip of my brothers blended coffee concoction from Eisenstein bros bagels that had milk in it. Small things like that don’t make me sick so much as consuming meat and cheese like on that pizza i had the other day. I truly regret that decision by the way…not fun.
well tunblr, i’ll see ya when I see ya.